Righteous Anger

I am in shock right now. There's this photo and story going around facebook about a young Japanese girl who was kidnapped and tortured. Don't worry, I won't go into detail or anything like that. And yes, I know that there are so many bad things (if not worse) that happen everyday all around the world. I think one of the key emotions I feel is anger. When I hear stories about rape, child prostitution, intense violence, etc. I get so angry. Like, it doesn't make sense to me how a human being can do something so evil and cruel to another human being. I know that sin isn't to be underestimated. Nonetheless, I can't comprehend it. Sigh... it truly makes me SO angry.

Then I realize just how angry God must get at sin. And this is like, pure and holy and righteous anger that's coming from a Being that is perfect. If I am utterly sinful and I get this angry at something so evil, God (who is without sin) must get infinitely angrier.

Hence, by this logic, God's grace for us sinners is pretty freaking amazing.

-Simon

Power of the Spirit

The point where something "sinks in" occurs at really random times. I have a friend who lost his sister. What's interesting is that even when the doctor told his family that she was only going to live for about 3-4 months, it never really sunk in for them; it didn't hit them right away. For my friend, it sunk in when the conditions were getting worse. For my friend's dad, it sunk in after a week or so after her death. Why does this "sinking in" happen at different times for different people?

I listened to a Tim Keller sermon today about the power of the Spirit. Sure intellectually we know that receiving the Holy Spirit is an amazing thing, we know that Christ died and rose again, we know God does so much for us and loves us. But why do we continue to sin? Why are we still so blind and continue to take action through our own human efforts?

There are so many random occurrences when I feel like I'm a born again Christian. It's like I'm (born again)^n or born again to the nth power, if you didn't get that. It's amazing how easily I forget. But right when that Gospel sinks in, when I know and believe the Gospel more than just intellectually knowing it, it is just the greatest feeling ever. It sinks in when I can taste the Gospel, see the Gospel, and feel it. When that happens, humility overcomes my soul, but not the kind that is tainted with guilt and shame, but rather with love and peace.

The most remarkable part about this is that it's nothing that I do to achieve this. It's all the Spirit's work. I can never achieve this through my own human efforts. In fact, the more I try, the further I get. And because all of this is done by the Spirit, I once again realize just how precious it is to receive the Holy Spirit.

-Simon

Summer

Life is... comfortable. And I feel like it's the bad kind of comfortable. I shared this with a few people already. But I feel like this summer has been so busy yet comfortable. This is a dangerous combination because that means I'm being distracted from God. I feel like God hasn't been occupying my mind for the vast majority of the summer. All I've been doing is studying. If I'm not studying, I'm either watching shows/movies. I've been really slacking off on my QTs as well ever since Joe moved out. I really admire the discipline that my brother and Joe have. No matter what, they are so disciplined in making time for God. I'm usually good about it, but I guess this summer has owned me. I've learned that it is SO easy to get distracted.

Another thing that kind of occupied my mind was the fact that the idea of "God loves me even though I am sinful" is an interesting concept. Because I find myself giving into temptations and other sins even though I am aware of that idea that God loves me even though I am sinful. So when I am sinning even though I am well aware of what I am doing is utterly wrong implies that I am offending God that much more. I've been struggling with this because I feel like in my mind, whenever I get tempted, my mind just resolves to "I'm gonna sin anyway". Since I know that I am offending God more and more, I've been feeling very discouraged with myself. I've been discouraged at the fact that I really am a lot more sinful than I thought I was, and hence, I don't deserve God's love. But I have to keep reminding myself that Christ's sacrifice was sufficient.

So this past Friday, there was a praise and prayer night which really helped me talk to God intimately. It was a really good time for me. It was really refreshing, and I felt renewed. I need to constantly pray for the Holy Spirit to cleanse me and sanctify me. Just seeing how easily I fell away from God really scared me. Please keep me in your prayers.

-Simon

Change

Last week was really weird for me. It felt like the end of an important era. Two close friends whom (did I use whom correctly?) I probably chilled the most with disappeared in my life. Joseph Chong moved out of the apartment last Saturday, and Richard Chung left to Escondido for seminary on Monday. It just seems like everything happened so fast, and I didn't really have the time to digest everything that's been happening. My incredibly difficult financial math class started almost immediately after my first session of summer school, I got two new roommates, the arrangement in the apartment is different, everything has just changed in a matter of a few days.

I guess what I'm trying to convey is that change makes me feel uncomfortable because it's another reminder that I'm not in control. Everything just feels off. Usually after I tutor on Saturdays, I meet up with Richard for lunch. But since he's being selfish and is studying in Escondido, I didn't know who to chill with. Wow, I feel like a loser. But I think this was the first Saturday that I went home right after I tutored.

But I welcome change because it opens new doors and opportunities for me to be stretched and to grow. Wonder what the Lord has in store for me in the next few years.

-Simon

Art & Beauty

These are some of my favorite "So You Think You Can Dance" choreographs! I especially like the ones that tell a story.

This one is about helping mothers:

This one is about struggling with addiction (I really like the symbolism of the guy representing addiction and the girl being suffocated and bounded by addiction):

This one is about breast cancer:

It truly amazes me how humans can portray such powerful messages through the movements of their bodies. Art can be so beautifully portrayed in that it cannot be explained in words, but only by God. Enjoy. :)

-Simon

Devotionals

My brother's blog post on daily devotionals really challenged me. I have to admit that after finals, I've been slacking off on my Bible reading and morning devotionals. It's kind of ironic because I'm consistent with my quiet times while school is in session (when I'm busy), but when I have all the free time in the world, I become lazy and start forgetting to even consider reading the Bible. It's odd because every time I didn't read the Bible before class, my whole day felt off too. It just didn't feel right because it wasn't consistent with my daily routine. But now that I'm on summer break, I wake up late, go straight to my computer to check emails and facebook, eat breakfast and wash up, and then go straight to my day.

My brother also mentioned that one of the key things that helps him be diligent in his devotionals is the mere attitude you approach it with. If you approach it like it's a chore or an obligation, then that's exactly what it's going to be. When you approach it like it's your way of easing your own consciousness, or your refuge when you're facing difficulties, then that's all it's going to be. I often found myself in the latter, and hence, led to the inconsistent quiet times. School is filled with uncertainties and difficulties, and to cope with them, I turned to quiet times (which isn't a bad thing). But when summer came and no worries and difficulties were in my life, I stopped reading the World altogether.

In hindsight, devotionals should be something more than a place of refuge. Devotionals need to be habitual. It literally needs to be apart of us. It needs to be something that we do everyday without even crossing our minds like brushing our teeth, sleeping, eating. We shouldn't have to even think about doing devotionals because we always need God. When we're thinking about or debating about whether we should do devotionals or not, we are actually challenging and doubting God's power and holiness because we are unsure of God's capability of taking care of us; or we simply think we can do His job better.

My brother put it best: devotionals are the easiest and the hardest thing to do in the world.

-Simon

Procrastination

I've been so lazy about updating this blog. As a result, I have so many things swirling in my mind. I really want to organize my thoughts by either writing in my journal or writing on this blog, but I dread at the thought of how long it'll take. I will just leave you with a great reminder I read off a website when I was reading about repentance.

You don't repent to get saved. Repentance is a result of salvation.

-Simon

I See Love

This week was a good week. It's the week of Good Friday and Easter. Throughout this week, I made more of the effort to meditate upon Christ and what He has done. My morning devotionals have been on the latter half of the Gospels--the chronological events leading up to Christ's crucifixion and resurrection. In remembrance of Good Friday, I decided to listen to Tim Keller's sermon, "Mocking Jesus". I've listened to this powerful sermon at least 10 times, and it never gets old. After the sermon, the song "Third Day, Steven Curtis Chapman, Mercyme-I See Love" came on. This is seriously one of my favorite songs. The lyrics are so good.

Some see a teacher
Standing on a hill
Speaking words of wisdom
Some see a healer
Reaching out his hand
To give sight to a blind man
Some see a dreamer
Wasting his life
On what can never be
Some see a fool
Dying for his dreams

But I see love (I see love)
I see love (I see love)
Light of heaven breaking through
Well I see grace (I see grace)
I see God's face (I See Gods face)
Shining pure and perfect love
When I see you
I see love

Some see a prisoner
Alone before his judge
With no one to defend him
Some see a victim
Beaten and abused
With all the world against him
Some see a martyr
Carrying his cross
For what he believes
Some see a hero
Who set his people free

But I see love (I see love)
I see love (I see love)
Light of heaven breaking through
Well I see grace (I see grace)
I see God's face (I See Gods face)
Shining pure and perfect love
When I see you


With your last breath
I see love
Through your death
I see love
I see peace in the eyes of the king
I see hope in your suffering (I see love)
I see a calm in the center of the storm
I see a Saviour

I see love
I see love
Light of heaven breaking through (heaven breaking through)
I see grace
I see God's face
Shining pure and perfect love
When I see you
I see love
When I see you
I see heaven breaking through
See Gods face
Shining pure and perfect love
When I see you
When I see you
When I see you
I see love
I see love
When I see

Some see Him walking from an empty grave...

"I Will Wait For You"

Took this from my brother's blog. Poet Janette presents her poem about how she will wait for God.

We were all created in His image but you have the ability to reflect, project and even detect the sun. If I were to explain what you look like you would have to look like a star, a son of the sun. I would gain energy simply from the light that You shine on me I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis. I await Your revelation but once again from the genesis I will wait for You and I will know You, because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom. Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses. Your faith will remind me of Abraham. Your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel. Your inspiration will remind me of Paul. Your heart for God will remind me of David. Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah. Your integrity will remind me of Joseph and your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the disciples, but your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ. But I won’t need to identify you by any special matthews or any special marks, ‘cos his word will be tatted all over your heart. And you will know me and you will find me where the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth, with the hospitality of Lydia as align with the submission of Mary, which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah. I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31 waiting for you. But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth only if You should see fit. I desire Your will above mine so even if You call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with You: the one who has sent. You are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known. You are forever my judge and I’m forever your witness and I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business. I will always be Yours and I will always wait for You, Lord. More than the watchmen wait for the morning more than the watchmen wait for the morning, I will wait.

Prayer

My recent prayer requests have been about prayer itself. I listened to a few sermons on prayer, and it never occurred to me that praying was so difficult. Tim Keller says that it's easier to preach for 30 mins than it is to pray for 30 mins, and it's so true! Our minds get so distracted when we're praying. The mere sound of an IM or text message will tempt us to put our prayers on hold just to see what they say.

But more personally, I found my prayers so repetitive, and pretty much like a groceries list. There was no love or adoration in my prayers. It was pure business. Especially being a fourth year now, so many different things have been occupying my mind: school, future career, family in Korea, living situation for next year, church, small group, and the list goes on.

I realized something though. It is okay for our prayers to be repetitive. It is okay to constantly ask God for things. Christ, in fact, commands us to pray like this--to be persistent, to constantly knock at his door even to the point where we pretty much bother him. Why can we do this? It's because we have a basis for our prayers. Our basis is that God is "Our Father". Notice that when Christ teaches us how to pray, he doesn't say "Our King" although he is, or "Our Creator", although he is. The first two words "Our Father" state our basis for our prayers, that it is only because we are his children that we can come to and pray to him intimately.

Just as children ask their parents for things, we should be praying to God about everything we want or need. And then as Our Father, God will either give us what we ask for, or he will give us what we should have asked for. Our Father will always answer our prayers.

-Simon

Sin Is Everywhere!

Every Sunday night, I've been going over Tim Keller Bible studies with Yoejin and Joe to prepare for small group. So far it's been going really well. I feel like I've been learning so much about sin, gender roles, and Genesis 1-3 in general.

There are two things that blew my mind.

1. I always knew that men and women had different gender roles. I also knew that these respective gender roles do not entail differences in status. Men and women were created to compliment each other. Men are better at certain things than women are, and vice versa, women are better at certain things than men are. I love this one quote by Matthew Henry:

"Not made out of his head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected and near his heart to be beloved."

But what blew my mind was how both men and women together were made in the image of God. It's not "man was made in the image of God and woman was made in the image of God". It's "man and woman were made in the image of God". See the difference? The only time God refers to Himself as "we" or "us" is when he is about to create us as male and female. Since both males and females "reflect" the being of God, it means that God has all the traits associated with human maleness and femaleness. Hence, only as male-female together can we show forth and understand the full range of God's character. The relationship men and women have is a reflection of the relationship within the Godhead itself. God is both unified and diverse.

2. The second thing that blew my mind was the fact that the fall caused sin to touch upon all aspects of creation. In one sense I knew this, but only on surface level. When I thought about sin, I only thought of it as affecting humans directly (fleshly desires, which encompasses a whole mess of crap in the world, spiritually, culturally, etc.). But sin affects every part of creation including psychological disorders, physical illnesses, and even natural disasters. Always in the back of my mind, I knew this. But restudying all of this again kind of opened my eyes again. My answer to "why are there natural disasters that kill innocent people" was always "sin", but I always just said that as a cop out answer. But it's true, and now I know why "sin" is the correct answer.

Tim Keller. Why are you so smart?

-Simon

Gas

Joe: "dude, who freaking burps while they're doing ab workouts?"

I normally have a lot of gas, but these days I've been feeling it a little bit more. I don't get it. It's not like my diet has changed. My stomach always makes all these funny noises. I don't know whether it's because I have gas or if I'm hungry, but it's embarrassing. It's weird cause it's not even just farts. But I burp A LOT. I even burp when I'm running on the treadmill and apparently when I do ab workouts.

Although most people around me get annoyed of my gas, I see it as a blessing in disguise. Farts and burps just sound funny. No matter how angry someone is at me whether I fart or burp, they're always smiling. Gas brings joy into our lives!

There are many times when I fart alone and I can't help but giggle out loud.

This was a pointless post. But I suppose some of you have gotten to know who I really am. hehe.

-Simon