Work

Many times throughout the week at work, I fantasize about just buying a plane ticket and bolting to Korea.  Every time I'm miserable at work, I hear the lyrics "Work sucks... I KNOW!" from Blink182.  I also dream about just quitting my job and looking for a more enjoyable job.  There are so many things I want to do and don't want to do.

I think the reason why I hate work so much is that I'm still young.  I'm freaking 23 years old, I have my whole life ahead of me, and I'm wasting it at work.  I guess that's why so many people just go back to school.  School is (surprisingly) more fun, it's comfortable, and you always have something to look forward to.  Richard and I used to (or maybe we still do) resent the college students because they're always so happy.  My theory is that it's because they always have something to look forward to: end of midterms, end of finals, winter/spring/summer breaks, job interviews, job hunting, the "real world".  Once you're in the "real world" and you're stuck at some job, you have nothing to look forward to except for maybe a promotion.  And that only comes once a year or two.

This summer was the first summer that I didn't have a summer break.  I felt so robbed when my receptionist left for her maternity leave (which means she gets a break for 2+ months), and my coworker left cause he had his baby born at the same time (which means he was gone for 3 weeks).  I had one short break in Korea, which felt like a tease since I had so much fun and time went by too quickly.

Nonetheless, I am thankful for a job.  I know there are many out there jobless and sad.  In the end, no matter what our circumstances are or what life-stages we're in, we will never be satisfied.  Colleges students hate school and want a job as soon as possible, young adults want to quit their job and go back to school, and everyone is just unhappy with their lives.

With that being said, let us look to the cross because the Gospel always puts things into perspective.  Christ is the only one who can fill this void.

Smile

There are a few things these past few weeks that have made me smile:

 1. Random people have been visiting me in LA. Although living alone in the apartment is pretty nice and quiet, it can get lonely sometimes. So having unannounced guests coming to grab dinner with me and just hanging out has been a good change from my usual routine of just work, exercise, dinner, watching shows, and sleeping early.

 2. Kirk is back from Florida for good, and Snugs will be back for good tomorrow. I have missed them both dearly and am glad that they are coming back.

 3. Dinko's sermon yesterday about "tasting and seeing that the LORD is good" and "fearing who God is" really hit home. It never really occurred to me that seeing that God is good and fearing Him go hand in hand. And I think the past few months that I have been struggling have been so difficult because it was hard to taste and see that the Lord is good in those circumstances because I have not been fearing God. Even the phrase "fearing God" can be misinterpreted. We don't fear God because of what He is going to do, but we fear Him because of WHO HE IS. By knowing who He really is, our perspectives on every aspect of our lives change, and His goodness is that much more apparent.

 4. My coworker, Branson, is back from his paternity leave. It's so fun and interesting hearing all of his stories about his newborn daughter and his whole experience about being a father now. Kind of makes me excited for the future when I have a wife and go through the whole process of becoming a father too. Also, I wonder when I'm gonna be an uncle... 형??? ㅋㅋㅋ

The Story of Ian & Larissa (Original)

Piper: "He is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

Picking Myself Up

The past 2-3 weeks have been ridiculous.  It felt like everything in my life was just going wrong.  It all started when my car started overheating.  When I got home, I immediately added coolant into my car.  Unfortunately that didn't help because it was my radiator that was completely jacked up.  I found this out after going to three different mechanics, which means I overheated it three more times, which really screwed up my engine's head gasket.  Exchanging the radiator cost me $400, and the engine work cost me $1500.  On top of that, there were a bunch of other miscellaneous repairs I had to get done like changing tires and repairing other crap that I am unfamiliar with which cost me $500.  All in all, I spent a buttload of money when I don't have a lot of money to begin with since this is right when I get back from Korea.

This led to my leaving the car at the mechanic's shop for a week or so.  I had to take a ~1.5 hour bus-ride to work which was pretty inconvenient since it usually takes me 15-20 mins in my own car.  As a result, I had to wake up and leave home earlier, get home later which was incredibly exhausting.

It gets better.  My receptionist left for her maternity leave which is approximately 2 months long.  I had to say goodbye to my comfortable office and work at the front desk.  I had to take care of all of her responsibilities including my own.  And then a week later, my coworker's wife has her baby so he's out too for 2-2.5 weeks which means I am picking up his slack too.

On top of all of this, I am stressing about packing, cleaning, and moving all my stuff since I am moving to another apartment at the end of July.  I had to move half of my stuff to Louis' and Zen's place since I can't fit everything in my new apartment.  And now I gotta move the rest of my stuff on Saturday.

I know, I sound like a baby who's just complaining and complaining.  Nonetheless, I am so thankful to God because yet again, He always provides:

1.  Commuting to work has saved me money on gas.  It has also helped me learn the public transportation in LA (which isn't as bad as I thought it would be).

2.  I found a really good mechanic near my work who I will probably be seeking advice to from now on.  He's really awesome.  He would go out of his way to call me daily to give me updates about the car, even after he was done with the repairs.  He would just follow up to see if the car is running okay now.

3.  Even though I am swamped with work, I feel like I'm getting used to the fast-pace and feel really productive at work.  My boss is even going easier on me sine she knows it sucks for me.  In fact, yesterday she called in a temporary receptionist to help out until my coworker comes back (which is why I am writing this post in my office).

4.  Moving half of my stuff to Louis' and Zen's place went smoothly since I got help from Richard, one of my most faithful friends.  He is always there when I need him.

I am doing just fine now.  Okay, back to work.

Righteous Anger

I am in shock right now. There's this photo and story going around facebook about a young Japanese girl who was kidnapped and tortured. Don't worry, I won't go into detail or anything like that. And yes, I know that there are so many bad things (if not worse) that happen everyday all around the world. I think one of the key emotions I feel is anger. When I hear stories about rape, child prostitution, intense violence, etc. I get so angry. Like, it doesn't make sense to me how a human being can do something so evil and cruel to another human being. I know that sin isn't to be underestimated. Nonetheless, I can't comprehend it. Sigh... it truly makes me SO angry.

Then I realize just how angry God must get at sin. And this is like, pure and holy and righteous anger that's coming from a Being that is perfect. If I am utterly sinful and I get this angry at something so evil, God (who is without sin) must get infinitely angrier.

Hence, by this logic, God's grace for us sinners is pretty freaking amazing.

-Simon

Power of the Spirit

The point where something "sinks in" occurs at really random times. I have a friend who lost his sister. What's interesting is that even when the doctor told his family that she was only going to live for about 3-4 months, it never really sunk in for them; it didn't hit them right away. For my friend, it sunk in when the conditions were getting worse. For my friend's dad, it sunk in after a week or so after her death. Why does this "sinking in" happen at different times for different people?

I listened to a Tim Keller sermon today about the power of the Spirit. Sure intellectually we know that receiving the Holy Spirit is an amazing thing, we know that Christ died and rose again, we know God does so much for us and loves us. But why do we continue to sin? Why are we still so blind and continue to take action through our own human efforts?

There are so many random occurrences when I feel like I'm a born again Christian. It's like I'm (born again)^n or born again to the nth power, if you didn't get that. It's amazing how easily I forget. But right when that Gospel sinks in, when I know and believe the Gospel more than just intellectually knowing it, it is just the greatest feeling ever. It sinks in when I can taste the Gospel, see the Gospel, and feel it. When that happens, humility overcomes my soul, but not the kind that is tainted with guilt and shame, but rather with love and peace.

The most remarkable part about this is that it's nothing that I do to achieve this. It's all the Spirit's work. I can never achieve this through my own human efforts. In fact, the more I try, the further I get. And because all of this is done by the Spirit, I once again realize just how precious it is to receive the Holy Spirit.

-Simon

Summer

Life is... comfortable. And I feel like it's the bad kind of comfortable. I shared this with a few people already. But I feel like this summer has been so busy yet comfortable. This is a dangerous combination because that means I'm being distracted from God. I feel like God hasn't been occupying my mind for the vast majority of the summer. All I've been doing is studying. If I'm not studying, I'm either watching shows/movies. I've been really slacking off on my QTs as well ever since Joe moved out. I really admire the discipline that my brother and Joe have. No matter what, they are so disciplined in making time for God. I'm usually good about it, but I guess this summer has owned me. I've learned that it is SO easy to get distracted.

Another thing that kind of occupied my mind was the fact that the idea of "God loves me even though I am sinful" is an interesting concept. Because I find myself giving into temptations and other sins even though I am aware of that idea that God loves me even though I am sinful. So when I am sinning even though I am well aware of what I am doing is utterly wrong implies that I am offending God that much more. I've been struggling with this because I feel like in my mind, whenever I get tempted, my mind just resolves to "I'm gonna sin anyway". Since I know that I am offending God more and more, I've been feeling very discouraged with myself. I've been discouraged at the fact that I really am a lot more sinful than I thought I was, and hence, I don't deserve God's love. But I have to keep reminding myself that Christ's sacrifice was sufficient.

So this past Friday, there was a praise and prayer night which really helped me talk to God intimately. It was a really good time for me. It was really refreshing, and I felt renewed. I need to constantly pray for the Holy Spirit to cleanse me and sanctify me. Just seeing how easily I fell away from God really scared me. Please keep me in your prayers.

-Simon