Dad

I think two Friday nights ago, one question stood out to me: What is your relational experience with your parents? Does this effect your perception of God's love and grace towards you?

My first instinct was to say that my relationship with my parents are good. It's definitely good with my mom. I've pretty much lived with her all my life, which helped get closer with my mom as I got older. And then I thought about my relationship with my dad, and I thought, "I don't really have much of a relationship with him since he's lived in Korea ever since I was four." Of course I've communicated with him throughout my life and spent a lot of time with him in Korea over a summer, but it's still hard to say that "I have a solid relationship with my dad" because I really don't.

Throughout high school and my freshmen year of college, I grew really bitter towards him. I wondered why he was still in Korea and not with my mom. I didn't understand why he chose to go to Korea to run a business away from his family in the first place. He didn't get to see any of us grow up. I hated him for causing my mom loneliness.

Just recently (during my sophomore year of college), I learned that my dad really went through a lot. Even when I saw him in Korea, I noticed that he had a lot more white hair, and looked a lot older. Spending such a long time alone away from his family caused a lot of anxiety, and caused his body to age faster I guess. I'm sure he went through A LOT of hardships. This is what I call sacrificial love. Obviously it wasn't perfectly demonstrated like God did, but my dad went through a hell of a lot to try to support my family.

So how does this effect my perception of God's love and grace towards me? Well, my dad was physically "invisible" in my life. It seemed like he was never around. But my dad, even without my knowing it, was working his butt off to send money over to America so I can have clothes to wear, food to eat, and a place to live in. Although I can't "see" God, He is constantly working in me through his Spirit when I don't even know it. His grace is all around me without my knowing, and He provides me with all things. I get bitter towards God constantly because I feel like He's not present in my life. I get angry if it seems like God isn't providing for me or tending to my desires. Most importantly, while my dad imperfectly, sacrificially loved me, God demonstrated the perfect sacrificial love by giving up His one and only Son, the Perfect Sacrifice.

Unexpectedly, God revealed more about His character to me through my dad. I will continue on my journey in getting to know more about God everyday.

So what am I thankful for on this Thanksgiving evening (technically it already passed)? I'm thankful for my dad, but most importantly, for God and His Sacrificial Love!

-Simon

Eating

I remember back in the day when I used to live with my brother, that guy can eat really well. The funny thing is, he could eat well not only when the food was good, but even when it tasted like crap. Like, I remember times when I'd complain so much that the food tasted terribly and I would refuse to eat it. But I'd look over to my brother, dead silent and just downing his food, and after he was finished he just goes "I just eat all the nasty stuff first so I can enjoy the good stuff at the end." After hearing that, I'd watch him eat other times and be dumbfounded at how deliciously he'd eat even the "nasty stuff." His big bites, stuffed mouth, putting food in his mouth while he's still chewing, and not a single word from him. He has a gift. Cause ahjoomas HATE it when you leave leftovers you know? But no matter how nasty the food is, he'll eat everything and more importantly, make it look FREAKING good! Sometimes we'd joke that even if he were to eat crap itself, he'd still make it look super delicious.

Furthermore, there would be times when I'd be super full or have no appetite due to being sick with something, and after I would watch him eat, I'd start eating just because he made it look so good! Man, every time he ate, it looked like it was his last meal of his life (especially when it was Mexican food or In-N-Out). Man, good times.

-Simon

Found

I think a good indicator of your spiritual walk is your prayer life and frequency of genuine repentance. You know you are spiritually dying when your prayer life is dry. Tim Keller says "there are three kinds of people: a business associate you don't really like, a friend you enjoy doing things with, and someone you are in love with and who is in love with you. Your conversations with the business associate will be quite goal-oriented. You won't be interested in chitchat. With your friend you may open your heart about some of the problems you are having. But with your lover you will sense a strong impulse to speak about what you find beautiful about him or her." It doesn't matter whether you are the most rebellious non-Christian or the most disciplined Christian. If your prayer life sucks, then you are equally lost. It's ironic because the most disciplined Christian can pray multiple times a day, and still be lost. Their prayers may be filled with the same recitation of wants and desires, with little or no exaltation of the Lord. And this increases depending on the circumstances of their situations.

With Christ-exalting prayer comes genuine repentance. It's more than just repenting the things we have done wrong. It's also repenting the reasons we ever did anything right. Sin is dangerous in that "doing good" can also be very bad. Being legalistic and trying to earn your salvation is very bad. Thus, "we must learn how to repent of the sin under all our other sins and under all our righteousness, the sin of seeking to be our own Savior and Lord."

So do you feel like you're lost? I feel lost all the time in my Christian walk. "How can you tell if he is working on you now? If you begin to sense your lostness and find yourself wanting to escape it, you should realize that that desire is not something you could have generated on your own. Such a process requires Help, and if it is happening it is a good indication that he is even now at your side."

Basically, we are all lost in our sin. But we are truly lucky to have God who is actively pursuing us. Only through Christ and the sanctification of the Holy Spirit, we are found.

-Simon