Another New Year

2010 has treated me well. It was filled with many blessings and trials. In 2010, I completed my first year at UCLA, my family got to spend time together in Korea (before that, my family had not been together since 2005), my mom moved to Korea, and I finally got to experience what it's like to literally be out on my own.

I realized that ever since I moved out on my own, money has become a bigger issue for me in terms of idolatry. I found myself constantly listening to Tim Keller's sermons on generosity and money. I had to keep reminding myself to love Christ more than money. Reading Dinko's blog on idolatry was a great reminder to me that the result of idolatry was not because we love the world so much, but we don't love Christ enough.

I'm not much of a guy to make resolutions or anything, but I hope that I will grow in grace, patience, love, and ultimately love Christ more in 2011. Whatever blessings and trials may come in 2011, I hope that God will prepare me for them!

Thank you 2010.

-Simon

Internet is my Idol

Internet was out half of the day today. I felt so lost. I didn't know what to do. So after my friend and I did some hardcore studying, we played puzzle fighter for like 2 hours. When internet still wouldn't work, Joe and I were so lost since we always watch shows or youtube clips before we sleep. After I come back from taking a shower, I see Joe searching through the DVD collection to pick out a movie since we have nothing else to do. After seeing his desperate search for a fun movie to watch, I decide to check the internet ONE MORE TIME. The internet was back. We rejoiced, went to our separate computers, checked our emails and facebooks in silence, and after a few minutes, we both realized that the internet was evil.

The end.

-Simon

Venting

I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

These lyrics are so perfect right now. I feel so stressed. I know everyone else out there is stressing as well. I'm not asking for the reader's pity or anything. The more stressed I am, the more I learn about myself.

The past few weeks have been chaotic in my mind. I am so tired, emotionally. I've never had such a difficult academic year in my life. I've never felt so discouraged about academics. I dread at the thought of the future. Too many times I find myself trying to escape from reality. Everything is just so cloudy and muddled in my head. The worst part about all of this is that it's distracting me from God. I listened to a great sermon today, and had Communion as well. But I still felt this emptiness inside of me. I felt like my heart wasn't fully there.

Now that I got all of that out, I can stand back, observe, and reflect on all the stupid words I just wrote down. First of all, it is so apparent where I find my identity in. I try to center my identity on academics. The thought of an uncertain future frustrates the crap out of me. So that already tells me that I have little faith. The thing I want most is to have control. Have control over all things around me. Why is life so hard?

When I look at myself, all I can do is sigh. The thought of grace silences me. Why did Christ redeem me? Why was I made righteous? Why did He justify me? This mystery always gives me hope. Though I have little faith, Christ is sufficient.

In the end, everything will work out.

-Simon

My Professor

Let us begin with a quick introduction. My Calculus Theory professor looks exactly like Sigourney Weaver. She has a very thick lisp. When she's in her zone, she enthusiastically writes proofs on the chalkboard nonstop without even asking the class if they understand. She jumps up and down when she's super excited. She is the hardest math professor I ever had.

Last Wednesday, I walked into class thinking that it's going to be the same ol' crazy professor with the same crazy proofs, crazily. But something happened that day... that made my day. As she was writing furiously with the chalk, she had an itch on her nose. Of course, since she is in her zone, she just wipes her nose and continues to write furiously. Little did she know, she wiped with her right hand. So when she turned around, she had a white powdery mark on her nose. At the same time, she was passionately waving her hands talking about all these Calculus theorems that we were all confused about. She looked cracked out (literally). I know, it's silly. But it's these little things that make my day. :)

-Simon

Forgiveness

We all know that the Gospel is crazy. But it's not like we always know. We constantly need to be reminded through sermons, bible studies, accountability, prayer, etc. I was always kind of confused as to why we always forget. I mean, the Gospel is amazing news. It's life-changing, life-transforming.

We forget because we think forgiveness is easy. We think that our sins aren't thaaaaat bad. Sure it upsets God, but I mean, He's holy and all powerful so it should be easy for Him to forgive us. I mean, God can do all things, right?

WRONG! God cannot do everything. He cannot lie. Likewise, He cannot be unjust. He can't just forgive us. There must be a payment; a full payment. If God just forgave without payment, it would be injustice, and that goes against His character. So once again, there must be a full payment. We uphold money with such high value, and yet no amount of money can fully pay for our sins. It can only be done by the Redeemer, Christ. Not only did He die a painful death, but He gave us His perfect righteousness.

Forgiveness is not easy. I'll probably forget the significance of the Gospel after I publish this post too.

-Simon

Almost Bald

I haven't cut my hair since July in Korea. My hair was so long that it felt like there were bugs crawling on my neck because the hair on the back of my head would tickle the back of my neck. My hair would take forever to dry too. Every time I got out of the shower, Joe would always tell me that I needed a haircut. Long hair is such a hassle.

So I got one. I went to this new place on Carmenita and Artesia next to the Korean market. It was this old Korean ahjusshi. He asked me how I wanted to get my haircut. I told him I wanted it short so I could spike my hair with gel. The old man nods with a crooked smile, and he straight up takes out clippers and starts on the top of my head! At this point, I couldn't protest because he had already started. So I accepted my fate. I closed my eyes throughout the whole agonizing event. My head felt cold. When I opened my eyes, practically all my hair was gone. This is the shortest I've ever cut my hair.

I know it's my fault that I wasn't clear about how short I wanted it. But man, it is so short. And for some reason, whenever I cut my hair pretty short, it makes my head/face look bigger. I dunno, it's some kind of unexplainable illusion. I miss my long hair and my head is cold.

On the bright side, the haircut was only $10.

-Simon

Love vs. Indifference

"If you believe in heaven and hell, how much do you have to hate someone to not proselytize them?" (Penn Jillette from Penn & Teller)

I remember hearing this quote by Penn from one of Pastor Dennis' sermons. What's amazing about this quote is that this is coming from a freaking atheist. After he says this quote, he continues to talk about how although he doesn't necessarily believe in God, he respects those who at least try to talk to him about God.

The other day, I was listening to another Tim Keller sermon. One of the things he said was: "The opposite of love is not anger. The opposite of love is indifference."

Both of these quotes have humbled me deeply, and coincidentally, both quotes pretty much go hand-in-hand. Why aren't we actively trying to evangelize the Gospel to our non-Christian friends? Is avoiding an awkward conversation really worth it? Do we really love ourselves so much that our insecurities about ourselves influence our actions? Or are we simply just indifferent?

For me, personally, it is so hard to be shameless about my identity in Christ. And for some reason, I can't come up with one good reason why.

Oh Lord give me strength.

-Simon

Poor Guy...

There's this one dude who always sits next to me in one of my math lectures. He's this funny looking Chinese guy with a ridiculously high voice. He always asks me if he could copy my notes because he always comes in late. On Wednesday, he actually came on time to lecture. But unfortunately, the professor called on him to answer one of her questions, and he was really unprepared and caught off guard. He started muttering all these random words in his high voice. Then the professor said it. The professor actually said it: "Don't worry, it's okay if you don't know. Does anyone want to help this girl out?" The professor thought he was a girl! Like forreal a girl!

You thought the professor was messed up? I literally laughed out loud. I felt terrible.

But yeah, that was the highlight of my week. :D

-Simon

Grace and Money

I walked home today in this horrible weather after class. I checked weather.com and saw that it was around 106 degrees here in LA, and 111 degrees in Cerritos area. But I'm not gonna blog about how hot today was. While I was walking home, I listened to one of Tim Keller's sermons on my iPod. Yes, it was on grace and money.

There were a lot of good points he made in this sermon. In particular, he asked these two question that made me smirk and nod at the same time (don't you love this moments?). First one was about how you can tell someone's a Christian. His answer was that it was the way Christians viewed their economic status and how they viewed their money. How basically our money is not our own and it is God's. How it is only by His grace that we have money. Second one was about how you can tell the difference between a Christian and a nonChristian. He said that Christians have knowledge and experience of His grace. That ultimately makes us actively generous.

I remember listening to one of Pastor Harold's sermons about "generosity" and a Bible Study on "college students and generosity." It motivated me to be all generous and everything. But now that I look back, I was always passively generous. Even as I tithed, I would always think "God will bless me now." At times, I would buy a friend a meal only if he/she was broke or only if he/she asked me. Even when I willingly want to spot someone a meal, it's only because I feel like I should since I'm an upperclassmen now. There are also times when people want to carpool and they want me to drive. On the outside, I'd be all willing and down, but in the inside, I'd just be thinking about gas. Basically, I was always passively generous, or generous when I have to be generous.

Quote by Richard: "I heard from somewhere that we should be generous towards other people to the point where it makes us feel uncomfortable and anxious." Sorry Richard, I kind of butchered that. But seriously, we shouldn't be generous only when we have a surplus. Christ gave us everything, not a surplus. Because He gave up everything, we have everything. Therefore, let us be actively generous. Let's plan on spotting someone a meal today. Let's volunteer to drive so that others don't have to spend money on gas. And let's tithed on Sundays knowing that we're just giving God back what's already His.

-Simon

Snap Out Of It

Ever since I came back from Korea, all I've been doing is reminiscing about how awesome it was and how much I wanted to go back and live there. For two months, I was surrounded by family, good food, a new culture, and new friends. Now what did I come back to? An empty, dirty apartment, no family, unhealthy food, familiar/boring culture, and same boring friends (hehe jk!). I think what I missed most was my family. It had been five years since the four of us were altogether. Coming to America alone was tough, but living alone while my other three family members lived together was even tougher. Especially with all the free time I had doing nothing but unpacking boxes and moving furniture, it only left room for reminiscing and wishful thinking. It didn't help that I lived all the way in LA where most of my friends live in Fullerton or Cerritos.

But it's different now. Joe has moved in. The apartment is clean (well... acceptable), and somewhat furnished. LA friends are back in the dorms or apartments. School has started. I'm beginning to snap out of the past, and starting to look forward to the next school year. I'm excited to see how God is going to stretch me this upcoming school year. I don't really know what the future holds, but all I gotta do is trust in the Lord because He never fails to provide. Things I'm concerned about is my future career, internships... or to better sum it up: post-undergrad. Will I still be in the States? Or will God call me to live with my family in Korea? Will my family even be able to come to America for my graduation? I have so many questions flooding my mind these days. But what can I do? I just need to lay them at His feet and trust that He'll take care of everything.

Basically what I'm trying to say is, I think I'm in a good place right now. I was struggling a bit a few weeks ago, but with the help of Tim Keller's sermons and a fruitful prayer life, I am in a better state now. Seriously, my prayers sound so much better when I'm struggling. Everyone needs a kick in the butt once in a while. I felt like my walk with God was put on hold when I was in Korea. I went to church every Sunday and everything, but my mind and heart wasn't there. It wasn't until I came back to America when I realized how alone and lost I felt without a healthy relationship with God.

Sorry for rambling. But thanks for reading.

-Simon

My Time in Korea

Since my brother's so good at posting blogs and summarizing things, I just copy and pasted my brother's blog entry to mine. :)

Simon's Time in Korea

Although Simon should probably be the one posting up these pictures, these memories are mine just as much as they are his.

These are Simon's first friends that he saw in Korea.

Finally, being able to try Mr. Wow. Best hotdog in the world.

WC reunion.

Favorite sleeping position.

Cambodia Team at 돌돌이.

Best 갈매기 in the world with 계란찜 to go around.

My beloved Snugs.

현백 빙수.

Lots and lots of ball.

Gabriel aka Rocky. My favorite cousin.

First time subwaying with entire family.

감자탕 볶음밥.

My favorite 냉면. Check out my stack of bowls. =D

Everyone's favorite 삼겹.

Funny Koreans.

Doing what I do best.

Simon's two favorite 형s. Our unstoppable basketball team.

Best 오겹 in the world.

Amazing water show at 호수공원.

Does that look similar or does that look similar?

Simon's first time eating 회.

Freaking hiking.

Look how wet he is.

Interestingly enough, our only family picture.

Nasty 아구찜.

Times Square. Best mall in the world.

Valence Burger with family.

Dracula Burger. First time eating a garlic burger. Very satisfying.

BoA paid us a visit, but she couldn't get through to us.

Summer Retreat fun. Nate, our awesome gamemaster and hamburger man.

Small and intimate.

Charis and her mother.

Special guest appearance: Jae Kim.

The only reason why I came to retreat.

Here are some of Nate's awesome pictures

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The EMPCL pastors.

Of course, my dad wanted us to go hiking for his birthday.

I think this was the first time I ever saw my parents holding hands.

Dad's birthday.

The right way.

One more time just father and son.

The last supper.

When I went to bed last night, thoughts of my family and Korea flooded my mind and I became super nostalgic and lonely. This was the first time in a long time that my family's been altogether, and my first time being completely alone in America. It didn't help coming back to a messy apartment. After summer retreat, I've got some cleaning to do.. and some groceries to buy.. and so many other things to do.

-Simon