Righteous Anger

I am in shock right now. There's this photo and story going around facebook about a young Japanese girl who was kidnapped and tortured. Don't worry, I won't go into detail or anything like that. And yes, I know that there are so many bad things (if not worse) that happen everyday all around the world. I think one of the key emotions I feel is anger. When I hear stories about rape, child prostitution, intense violence, etc. I get so angry. Like, it doesn't make sense to me how a human being can do something so evil and cruel to another human being. I know that sin isn't to be underestimated. Nonetheless, I can't comprehend it. Sigh... it truly makes me SO angry.

Then I realize just how angry God must get at sin. And this is like, pure and holy and righteous anger that's coming from a Being that is perfect. If I am utterly sinful and I get this angry at something so evil, God (who is without sin) must get infinitely angrier.

Hence, by this logic, God's grace for us sinners is pretty freaking amazing.

-Simon

Power of the Spirit

The point where something "sinks in" occurs at really random times. I have a friend who lost his sister. What's interesting is that even when the doctor told his family that she was only going to live for about 3-4 months, it never really sunk in for them; it didn't hit them right away. For my friend, it sunk in when the conditions were getting worse. For my friend's dad, it sunk in after a week or so after her death. Why does this "sinking in" happen at different times for different people?

I listened to a Tim Keller sermon today about the power of the Spirit. Sure intellectually we know that receiving the Holy Spirit is an amazing thing, we know that Christ died and rose again, we know God does so much for us and loves us. But why do we continue to sin? Why are we still so blind and continue to take action through our own human efforts?

There are so many random occurrences when I feel like I'm a born again Christian. It's like I'm (born again)^n or born again to the nth power, if you didn't get that. It's amazing how easily I forget. But right when that Gospel sinks in, when I know and believe the Gospel more than just intellectually knowing it, it is just the greatest feeling ever. It sinks in when I can taste the Gospel, see the Gospel, and feel it. When that happens, humility overcomes my soul, but not the kind that is tainted with guilt and shame, but rather with love and peace.

The most remarkable part about this is that it's nothing that I do to achieve this. It's all the Spirit's work. I can never achieve this through my own human efforts. In fact, the more I try, the further I get. And because all of this is done by the Spirit, I once again realize just how precious it is to receive the Holy Spirit.

-Simon

Summer

Life is... comfortable. And I feel like it's the bad kind of comfortable. I shared this with a few people already. But I feel like this summer has been so busy yet comfortable. This is a dangerous combination because that means I'm being distracted from God. I feel like God hasn't been occupying my mind for the vast majority of the summer. All I've been doing is studying. If I'm not studying, I'm either watching shows/movies. I've been really slacking off on my QTs as well ever since Joe moved out. I really admire the discipline that my brother and Joe have. No matter what, they are so disciplined in making time for God. I'm usually good about it, but I guess this summer has owned me. I've learned that it is SO easy to get distracted.

Another thing that kind of occupied my mind was the fact that the idea of "God loves me even though I am sinful" is an interesting concept. Because I find myself giving into temptations and other sins even though I am aware of that idea that God loves me even though I am sinful. So when I am sinning even though I am well aware of what I am doing is utterly wrong implies that I am offending God that much more. I've been struggling with this because I feel like in my mind, whenever I get tempted, my mind just resolves to "I'm gonna sin anyway". Since I know that I am offending God more and more, I've been feeling very discouraged with myself. I've been discouraged at the fact that I really am a lot more sinful than I thought I was, and hence, I don't deserve God's love. But I have to keep reminding myself that Christ's sacrifice was sufficient.

So this past Friday, there was a praise and prayer night which really helped me talk to God intimately. It was a really good time for me. It was really refreshing, and I felt renewed. I need to constantly pray for the Holy Spirit to cleanse me and sanctify me. Just seeing how easily I fell away from God really scared me. Please keep me in your prayers.

-Simon

Change

Last week was really weird for me. It felt like the end of an important era. Two close friends whom (did I use whom correctly?) I probably chilled the most with disappeared in my life. Joseph Chong moved out of the apartment last Saturday, and Richard Chung left to Escondido for seminary on Monday. It just seems like everything happened so fast, and I didn't really have the time to digest everything that's been happening. My incredibly difficult financial math class started almost immediately after my first session of summer school, I got two new roommates, the arrangement in the apartment is different, everything has just changed in a matter of a few days.

I guess what I'm trying to convey is that change makes me feel uncomfortable because it's another reminder that I'm not in control. Everything just feels off. Usually after I tutor on Saturdays, I meet up with Richard for lunch. But since he's being selfish and is studying in Escondido, I didn't know who to chill with. Wow, I feel like a loser. But I think this was the first Saturday that I went home right after I tutored.

But I welcome change because it opens new doors and opportunities for me to be stretched and to grow. Wonder what the Lord has in store for me in the next few years.

-Simon

Art & Beauty

These are some of my favorite "So You Think You Can Dance" choreographs! I especially like the ones that tell a story.

This one is about helping mothers:

This one is about struggling with addiction (I really like the symbolism of the guy representing addiction and the girl being suffocated and bounded by addiction):

This one is about breast cancer:

It truly amazes me how humans can portray such powerful messages through the movements of their bodies. Art can be so beautifully portrayed in that it cannot be explained in words, but only by God. Enjoy. :)

-Simon

Devotionals

My brother's blog post on daily devotionals really challenged me. I have to admit that after finals, I've been slacking off on my Bible reading and morning devotionals. It's kind of ironic because I'm consistent with my quiet times while school is in session (when I'm busy), but when I have all the free time in the world, I become lazy and start forgetting to even consider reading the Bible. It's odd because every time I didn't read the Bible before class, my whole day felt off too. It just didn't feel right because it wasn't consistent with my daily routine. But now that I'm on summer break, I wake up late, go straight to my computer to check emails and facebook, eat breakfast and wash up, and then go straight to my day.

My brother also mentioned that one of the key things that helps him be diligent in his devotionals is the mere attitude you approach it with. If you approach it like it's a chore or an obligation, then that's exactly what it's going to be. When you approach it like it's your way of easing your own consciousness, or your refuge when you're facing difficulties, then that's all it's going to be. I often found myself in the latter, and hence, led to the inconsistent quiet times. School is filled with uncertainties and difficulties, and to cope with them, I turned to quiet times (which isn't a bad thing). But when summer came and no worries and difficulties were in my life, I stopped reading the World altogether.

In hindsight, devotionals should be something more than a place of refuge. Devotionals need to be habitual. It literally needs to be apart of us. It needs to be something that we do everyday without even crossing our minds like brushing our teeth, sleeping, eating. We shouldn't have to even think about doing devotionals because we always need God. When we're thinking about or debating about whether we should do devotionals or not, we are actually challenging and doubting God's power and holiness because we are unsure of God's capability of taking care of us; or we simply think we can do His job better.

My brother put it best: devotionals are the easiest and the hardest thing to do in the world.

-Simon

Procrastination

I've been so lazy about updating this blog. As a result, I have so many things swirling in my mind. I really want to organize my thoughts by either writing in my journal or writing on this blog, but I dread at the thought of how long it'll take. I will just leave you with a great reminder I read off a website when I was reading about repentance.

You don't repent to get saved. Repentance is a result of salvation.

-Simon