Farewell Old Friend

I just sold the '94 Mazda Protoge. It's gone through 3 generations (Pastor John O, Phil Chung, and Simon Chung), and it is on its way to its 4th. This car was a huge part of my life. I experienced my first flat tire, my first oil change, my first windshield wiper change, my first headlight-bulb change, my first car battery dying, my first time putting gas in, my first car wash, I passed the behind-the-wheel test with it, it was my first car. It truly was a faithful car. It died a few times, resurrected a few times. Nonetheless, it was good to me. Oh, how I will miss thee!

-Simon

Offering Leftovers

I just read something, and I wanted to share with all of you.

"For years I gave God leftovers and felt no shame. I simply took my eyes off Scripture and instead compared myself to others. The bones I threw at God had more meat on them than the bones others threw, so I figured I was doing fine."

Hosea 13:6 says, "When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me."

Basically, I need to be more generous, not only with my money, but with my time. I need to make more time for God. I used to be proud of my 10-20 min. daily morning devotionals. But that's 10-20 mins. out of 1440 mins. (which is the number of mins. in a day.) A lot of the times, my attitude towards offering is that I assume God is pleased because I offered something. However, "God wants our best, deserves our best, and demands our best."

What really hit me was that God didn't just think "offering our leftovers" was bad, or He was just disappointed or something. "God described this practice as evil."

-Simon

End of 2009, Hello 2010!

This was posted on Jan. 1, 2009 on my xanga:

"Looking back on the year 2008, it was probably the hardest year I've ever had. I went through the most depression stage of my life, academics were incredibly difficult, more family issues ensued, and more. However, through these hard times, I think I have grown the most. God must do whatever it takes to bring me back to Him, even if it means breaking my leg.

So I am here now, it is 2009 and I am excited and kind of nervous about what is to come in this next year. For sure there will be many obstacles. Who knows? Maybe 2009 will be tougher than 2008. I have to admit. I will never forget the year of 2008.

-Paraguay
-Counseling at CPCYG Winter Retreat
-Transfer Apps
-Gaining/Losing Relationships
-Being encouraged by Pastor Paul and Pastor Harold
-Christ and the Gospel being more and more real to me everyday"

I would have to say, 2009 was one of the most memorable and eventful years of my life. Some of the things I can think off the top of my head are:

-Receiving my acceptance letter to UCLA
-Joining welcoming committee
-Experiencing the longest summer break of my life (4 months long)
-Paraguay '09
-Accepting roles are CG officer and small group leader
-Reading ALOT of mystery/thriller books
-CPCYG Summer Retreat, Pilgrim's Progress, getting 1st place!
-1st quarter at UCLA
-Living in the dorms
-Gaining/Losing relationships
-CK and Cho Family visiting America
-CPCYG Winter Retreat
-Christ and the Gospel being more and more real to me everyday

I feel like I always have to add that last one because it is so true. I am constantly reminded of his faithfulness and his unfailing love. One of the craziest reminders about God was shown to me through the seminar at the CPCYG retreat. It basically talked about how huge the planets, stars, galaxies, the universe was. The speaker said that you could fit several billions of earths in the sun. And then he just kept going on about how the next biggest star, you could fit trillions, and then quadrillions in the biggest star ever recorded thus far, and how it ultimately seemed like it decreased the significance of the earth. When you see the biggest star, you can't even see the earth. If the earth is that small, how small are we? And then when we pray to God, for some reason we try to be God's counselor or adviser, trying to teach him how to do his job by telling him to fulfill our requests and then get bitter when he doesn't.

Yet, God still knows us by name. He knows us on a very personal level. He knows us better than we know ourselves. And what an amazing love that is! I don't know about you, but that thought alone humbled me to the ground.

What does God have in store for me in 2010? There's nothing to worry about that because God is sovereign, and He is faithful.

Happy New Year!

-Simon

Encouraged

Starting from finals weeks, I've been feeling a little discouraged. Mainly, I stressed so much about finals. I lacked trust in God. I was so worried that I would do terribly on my first quarter finals, and that I wouldn't feel "worthy" to be at UCLA (my original dream school). Even after finals, I still had this unsettling feeling. I suppose, this feeling of stress or being worried carried over to different problems I am facing such as the numerous uncertainties about my life/future. Once again, I lacked trust in God. And then I JUST read CK's blog. She quotes: "my anxiety is triggered not so much by a distrust in God as by an unwillingness to submit to and cheerfully accept His agenda for me". My pride has once again gotten in the way. I've also been reading up on Hebrews because it talks so much about perseverance and not forgetting salvation and Christ and all that good stuff. Seriously, it amazes me how much impact reading the Word and praying does on my life.

But today was a good day. I got to see CK, Michelle, and Arah again, met Eli Hwang, and hung out with good ol' Paraguay Team. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Even though the majority of the day was eating and renting/watching movies at Michelle Park's, it just felt especially good to be with friends today. Then when I got home, I got a wonderful letter from a dear friend wishing me Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. It was pretty brief, but very warm and genuine. I don't know what it is. Something about letters that makes it feel much more personal and nice.

But yeah, to sum it all up, I was deeply encouraged. I was encouraged by Hebrews CH1-4, CK's blog post, friends, and a letter. Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year!

-Simon

Study Break

Saw this from Sarah Chong's status. This music video is so cool!

-Simon

Looking Forward

I had a crazy realization the other night. I realized that I enjoy longing for the prize rather than getting the prize. Does that make sense? Like for example, now. It's dead week, and even though I'm studying like mad, I'm pretty content and happy just because I know that winter break is just around the corner. When I have something to look forward to, like a long break, it makes the tough days so much more endurable. I think I enjoy the craziness RIGHT before the nice relaxing break just because I know I have something great coming. And for some reason, usually the actual "prize" isn't even that great. There are days during a long break when you just feel so sluggish and unproductive... you just feel like crap you know? The "prize" is usually a disappointment.

(What I'm about to say in this next paragraph is something I JUST realized!) But as Christians, we should always be content and happy because we know that The Prize is just around the corner. Just like how dead week is so endurable because winter break is around the corner, we should live our lives with perseverance and joy because that Day will come when we'll be married to God. So keep longing for that Day!

Come Lord Jesus Come!

-Simon

Dad

I think two Friday nights ago, one question stood out to me: What is your relational experience with your parents? Does this effect your perception of God's love and grace towards you?

My first instinct was to say that my relationship with my parents are good. It's definitely good with my mom. I've pretty much lived with her all my life, which helped get closer with my mom as I got older. And then I thought about my relationship with my dad, and I thought, "I don't really have much of a relationship with him since he's lived in Korea ever since I was four." Of course I've communicated with him throughout my life and spent a lot of time with him in Korea over a summer, but it's still hard to say that "I have a solid relationship with my dad" because I really don't.

Throughout high school and my freshmen year of college, I grew really bitter towards him. I wondered why he was still in Korea and not with my mom. I didn't understand why he chose to go to Korea to run a business away from his family in the first place. He didn't get to see any of us grow up. I hated him for causing my mom loneliness.

Just recently (during my sophomore year of college), I learned that my dad really went through a lot. Even when I saw him in Korea, I noticed that he had a lot more white hair, and looked a lot older. Spending such a long time alone away from his family caused a lot of anxiety, and caused his body to age faster I guess. I'm sure he went through A LOT of hardships. This is what I call sacrificial love. Obviously it wasn't perfectly demonstrated like God did, but my dad went through a hell of a lot to try to support my family.

So how does this effect my perception of God's love and grace towards me? Well, my dad was physically "invisible" in my life. It seemed like he was never around. But my dad, even without my knowing it, was working his butt off to send money over to America so I can have clothes to wear, food to eat, and a place to live in. Although I can't "see" God, He is constantly working in me through his Spirit when I don't even know it. His grace is all around me without my knowing, and He provides me with all things. I get bitter towards God constantly because I feel like He's not present in my life. I get angry if it seems like God isn't providing for me or tending to my desires. Most importantly, while my dad imperfectly, sacrificially loved me, God demonstrated the perfect sacrificial love by giving up His one and only Son, the Perfect Sacrifice.

Unexpectedly, God revealed more about His character to me through my dad. I will continue on my journey in getting to know more about God everyday.

So what am I thankful for on this Thanksgiving evening (technically it already passed)? I'm thankful for my dad, but most importantly, for God and His Sacrificial Love!

-Simon